My Near Death Experience

My name is Ronald E. Boutelle, also known as Rohini-suta dasa.

When I was nineteen years old, I had an experience that changed the direction of my life. I now understand it as both a Near Death Experience (NDE) and a Spiritually Transformative Experience (STE).

At the time, I did not know such things even existed. I had never heard the term “Near Death Experience.” I had no language for what happened to me. But the experience was so powerful, so clear, and so unforgettable that it stayed with me for the rest of my life. Years later, I even wrote a novel in which a major Near Death Experience becomes part of the story.

After the death of my mother and little brother, I was living for a time in the same house where my father and his four brothers had grown up. It was located in upstate New York. I had recently graduated from the same high school as my father, and even my first real job, at the International Paper Company, was at the same place where my father had worked when he was my age.

At the time of my experience, I was actually living in California, but I had returned to New York for a short vacation. In 1965, I had left Paul Smith’s College and transferred to the Clarke Seminary in Costa Mesa, which Charles Berner had established a couple of years earlier. Missing my friends back in New York, I had flown home to spend some time with them.

I know for a fact that what I was being taught by Charles established within me the reason I began to follow a certain pattern of meditation — a pattern that not only led me to this experience, but has also served me extremely well over all these many years.

It was right after lunch on a weekday when my NDE/STE occurred. I remember that all my friends were at work, and I was feeling bored. I did not really have anything to do until they got home.

I walked up the stairs to my bedroom while Grandma sat downstairs doing her crossword puzzle. Then I lay down on the bed — not to sleep, and not really to do anything.

I was just bored, a bit restless, and did not know what to do with myself.

What was about to happen was not something I had ever been taught to do, nor was it something I intended to do. I had never read about it, heard about it, or even thought about anything like this. It was more like a virgin, random thought that suddenly became very interesting.

Deciding to stretch out on the bed, I noticed how quiet the house was. Naturally, I looked around the room, first at the dresser in front of me. The room was small, so everything was fairly close to the bed.

I then continued clockwise, noticing the closet door. To the right of the closet door, on the wall, was an unusually long picture of my father’s entire Army battalion, taken when he graduated from boot camp.

Next, I looked to my right, where there was a window. Finally, directly to my right was a small picture of myself, my brother, and our cousin Joy. We were all around six years old. It was a color photograph: Joy in a pretty pink sundress, and Larry and me with lots of blond hair.

Yes, this all sounds rather innocent, and it was. But then, once again, I let my eyes follow the same clockwise path around the room, letting my attention pause at the same objects, in the same order: the dresser, the closet door, the long photo, the window, and finally the small picture of us kids.

As I let my eyes pause at each item, I suddenly became aware that what I was looking at factually existed, and I purposefully confirmed this without a doubt. What I was seeing was real, right there in front of me, and crystal clear.

This was the key to what was about to happen. Everything was crystal clear and positively there. At the same time, I began to have a heightened awareness of myself — aware that I was aware.

Again, I looked around the room, stopping at each item, checking and rechecking that I was one thousand percent sure: yes, it was crystal clear, and yes, everything existed.

Ever since I moved to California to study under Charles and my sister, repeated questions were something I was familiar with. For example, I worked with my sister during 45-minute sessions where she repeatedly asked me, “What is help?” and then, “What isn’t help?”

One evening we were in Oakland, California, and she insisted that we take up where we had left off months earlier. There had been other times when I had sat down with her for these 45-minute question-and-answer sessions without anything happening. Honestly, I was not looking forward to doing this with her, because after all the time I had spent answering her questions, I could not see the value. Nothing ever seemed to happen.

But this time, after answering as best I could for about 30 minutes, something amazing started to occur.

She looked at me and asked again, “What is help?”

After having given Ava hundreds of examples over the past year and getting nowhere, I suddenly started to feel euphoric, and then — BANG — for the second time in my life, I went into a state of ecstasy. I knew what help was.

I looked at her and said, “Help is me relating to you in such a fashion that your dream came true.”

I gave Ava the example of shoveling snow for my elderly grandmother. She was concerned. You could say this was a dream she had: seeing, in her mind’s eye, all the heavy snow shoveled off the roof above the front porch. This was an older house and all that weight could cause the entire roof to collapse. So of course I did this for her, and looking out the bedroom window on the second floor, her "dream" of seeing all the snow removed came true. I had actually helped her.

I cannot tell you how valuable that realization has been for me over all these many years. This is how I became familiar with the technique of repetitive questions and answers.

Having finished looking around the bedroom, I then pretended that I was 25 years old, no longer just 19. I do not know why I decided to think that, but I did. And sure enough, I felt older.

Holding that thought and keeping very still, I let my eyes rest again upon each item, asking: Was what I was seeing actually, 100 percent there? Again, I positively confirmed, deep within my soul, with pure certainty, that I was factually seeing the same item, and then confirmed that what I was seeing was crystal clear.

Every time I did this, it seemed to heighten my sense of self-awareness. I did not know why, but something felt right about what I was doing.

Next, I imagined that I was 35 years old, which I did with great conviction and great care. Only my eyes moved as I looked around the room, asking myself the same question, and confirming: yes, everything is crystal clear.

This mental exercise was not taking very long, and before I knew it, I was pretending to be 45, and then 55. Soon I was 75 years old.

I think we are all in pursuit of the absolute truth. I had been chasing this rabbit since my early teens. I wanted some undeniable truth to grab hold of, and lying there in my bedroom, I could say without a doubt that what I was seeing was factually right there in front of me — solid, crystal clear, true and completely real.

No, these were not supernatural objects. But at least I could stake my life upon their existence. And the more I did this, the more my inner sense of myself seemed to soar.

I then pretended that I was 90 years old. I remember thinking that I was so old that the skin above my eyes had sagged down, so that all I could do was peer out through two little slits. But I was still there. The room was still there.

Again, I slowly looked, so very old, yet still confirming: yes, there is the dresser; yes, there is the closet door; yes, there is my dad’s picture; yes, there is the window; yes, there is the small frame with us kids.

But most important was the fact that, once again, everything was crystal clear.

Again, none of this was planned, and I had no idea where it was going. It then seemed perfectly natural to get the idea that I had died. My old, wrinkled body with the sagging eyelids had passed away.

It had been taken away. I told myself that my body had been removed, but I was still there in the room, looking at the dresser — and it was crystal clear.

What happened next was instantaneous, but I am slowing it down so I can put it into words.

For some reason, I then tilted “my chin” down to see “my feet,” but of course there were none, because my body had been taken away.

I took another look at the dresser. It was there just as before and yes, it was still crystal clear.

Simultaneously, I knew that I was pure awareness — and in the twinkling of an eye, it happened.

For the first time in my life, I soared into a state of complete ecstasy.

Later, I would read about what had happened to me. It is called enlightenment. And never for a moment, over all these years, has this realization left me.

This is my testimony: my NDE, my STE, my blessing.

- A Personal Invitation -

If you would like to explore these themes more deeply, I invite you to read my free novel, Abandoned.

Although my book is a work of historical fiction, it grew out of many of the same questions that shaped my own life: What happens after death? Is the soul eternal? Can love reach beyond this world? Can God’s mercy appear in ways we do not expect? And what is most important for me to know?

Abandoned also includes a powerful Near Death Experience, along with themes of war, loss, prayer, love, and spiritual awakening.

You are more than welcome to read this beautifully illustrated e-book as my guest. No email required; no ads; nothing to do but enjoy reading it.

Click here for the free version: Abandoned

Note: Abandoned is our book portal and can always be found at the top of each page on our menu. You are currently visiting www.KrishnaDisasterRelief.com. This is a 501(c)(3) non-profit charity that I founded in 1990. I cannot afford an expensive website for each of my books, so I used the title of my book as a portal where people can access what I have written. Although you can read Abandoned on any device, your best reading experience is on a desktop or laptop computer. It also reads nicely on my tablet, if I turn it sideways.

If you prefer, I have published my book as an Amazon paperback. All proceeds are donated to Krishna Disaster Relief. Our representative is currently on the ground in Venezuela, providing disaster relief to as many people as we can reach.